Heart Eaters
Kansas 1945
The bright, early morning sun streamed in the spotless window. Lucy opened her deep blue eyes and heaved a sigh. There had been a time when she thought sleep would help her escape the pain, but she quickly found it only served to intensify her agony.
Lucy thought over her day and the things she needed to accomplish, but she did not move. All she wanted was to die. Her eyes bore holes in the bottle on her bedside stand. It was always there, sleeping pills. It was shortly after she heard the news that the drug had made a home there. It would be so easy, Lucy thought. The doctor had warned her that an overdose could be fatal, permanent sleep. That’s what she really wanted, permanent sleep. No not sleep! She thought. She couldn’t handle dreaming of him forever; dreaming of all the ways he could have died. Fresh images from her sleep danced through her mind, Robert dead, cold, rigid. He had been so proud of his new issue, dark olive, drab M-1935 uniform, but now thoughts of it stained with the blood of other soldiers he had saved harassed Lucy, the image was like being stabbed. Imagining, his standard issue metal helmet fallen to his side caused her first tears of the day. She knew they would come. Lucy didn’t fight the ach anymore.
Maybe he was shot in the head, she thought, imagining the bullet soaring through the air and piercing his brain. Maybe it was a mortar that cast his parts all over the bank of the Rhine River. Maybe dysentery while in one of those vile German prison camps. Lucy imagined his frail, emaciated body succumbing to the demon disease. She lifted his picture from the bedside stand. When they had gotten married he had worn his Military uniform and she had liked it then. His olive, thigh length jacket pulled together around the waist had been most appealing. His two silver bars boasting proudly his position as Captain, had filled Lucy with pride but no longer. Now every time she lifted his picture to her breast all she could remember about him was the day he had left and the day the army had showed up at the door.
“Good morning Mrs. Hale,” the young army courier had greeted. Lucy swallowed hard, all blood draining from her face. She could tell the young man struggled to remain smiling, but that is what he had been trained to do. She did not respond. “Mrs. Hale,” he ventured again gently.
“Mm,” Lucy cleared her throat. “What can I do for you sir?”
“I come on behalf of the U.S. government to inform you that your husband Captain Robert Hale has been declared MIA.”
“What!” Lucy blurted. “Missing in action, for how long? He is not dead? Where was he last seen?”
“Mam, Captain Hale and his team were sent on a reconnaissance mission for Operation Market Garden. We found his entire team dead, except him and one other man two days after their departure. That was two months ago to the day.”
“So there is hope?” Lucy asked softly.
“There is Mrs. Hale, but I am required to inform you that the chances he is still alive are minute.”
Lucy snapped from the memory, her mind racing the ten months from then to now and reached for the bottle of pills. “Why not?” she asked aloud. Then noise from the kitchen reminded her.
Knock, knock, knock, came at her door. The door squeaked as Violet pushed it open. “Mother,” Violet said softly.
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Heart Eaters - Part Two -
“Yes, dear?” Lucy answered trying half-heartedly to conceal the drugs in her hand.
“I fed Bobby and Sandra and dressed Bobby for church, but Sandy won’t listen to me and get ready.”
“Oh Violet,” Lucy breathed as more tears came. “You are so wonderful.” She wiped at her eyes.
Violet walked noiselessly to her mother’s bed. “Momma,” she said sitting beside Lucy. “He will come back to us. I just know.”
“How, how do you know my sweet girl?” Lucy said forcing a smile.
“Jesus loves him and loves us.” Violet said matter-of-factly.
Lucy just smiled at her daughter. “You are much older and wiser than your ten years. I’m sorry you have to carry so much my sweetheart.”
“It’s ok mom. Will you be coming to church with grandma and us?” Violet asked hopefully.
“No,” Lucy said standing then heading for her closet and pulling out her nurses uniform. “The Hospital needs me to come in.”
“Momma,” Violet started meekly. “I know you have to work with, with,” she stuttered not wanting to say his name, “father being gone, but seven days a week. Do we really need that much?”
“Um,” Lucy swallowed hard. She didn’t want to admit to her daughter that she was too angry with God to go to church. Abandoned, that’s how she felt. Alone, left to the devices of Hell, that’s what she experienced every minute. “Go tell Sandy to come talk to me.” She instructed, avoiding the question.
The children climbed into their grandmothers car. Violet loved the mint green exterior and white leather seats, it even had a radio, and Bobby smiled as he turned the shinny little knobs.
“Bobby,” his grandmother scolded. “Be gentle.” She turned from her six-year-old grandson with his adorable blond curls and sparkling chocolate eyes. “Are you sure you won’t come my dear?” She said brushing at her short grey curls.
“No I can’t mom,” Lucy said as she dug for change in the bottom of her purse. “I love you though. I have to go or I will miss the transit.”
“Alright sweetheart,” she said and climbed into her car telling Violet and Sandy how lovely they looked.
The cold metal bar was soothing, and Lucy leaned hard against it. How can I be so tired and my day so young? Lucy thought dismally. The transit bumped along one of the dirt roads of Fort Scott Kansas, toward the hospital. As Lucy ambled from the trolley her mind read the large forged letters on the iron gate, Fort Scott Hospital for the Mentally Insane. Every time Lucy arrived her brain subconsciously took in the name, as if trying to warn her, trying to caution her, but another part of Lucy’s brain fought against that self preservation.
“Good morning Miss Lucy!” A tall young man greeted as she entered the break room. Lucy did not reply. Doug heaved a sigh and ran his large, un-calloused hand through his thick raven hair. “How are your children?” He tried again walking closer his green eyes sparkling in his rounded, fair face.
Lucy dropped her bag in her locker and donned her pressed, white, nurses cap. Turning toward the smiling, virile man she took a deep breath thinking. He is a nice man. You only resent him because he was not drafted. “They are doing well Doug. How are you?” She said with a half smile.
“I am well,” he said smiling brilliantly. “But how are you?” He asked wanting to tell her to smile. God she is beautiful when she smiles, he thought. His eyes ran along the contours of her face; her delicate chin covered with soft, faultless skin, her full lips set in a perpetual frown, her dainty, pointed, nose, almost child-like, her large, oval-shaped eyes set in soft cheekbones, but circled with dark lines giving the deep chocolate color a desperate look that he wish he could ease.
“I’m fine,” she answered and walked to the schedule board.
“You know you don’t have to work the C. I. Wing every day.” Doug said disparagingly. “Every nurse is required to do shifts in the violent offenders area. You don’t have to do theirs for them.”
“I know,” Lucy said after signing in.
“It’s dangerous Lucy.” He said to her back.
“The other nurses don’t want to do it and I don’t mind. Plus it pays much better, and I need the money.” She said over her shoulder as she walked away.
Doug frowned. She works seven days a week how can she need the money? He thought.
“I fed Bobby and Sandra and dressed Bobby for church, but Sandy won’t listen to me and get ready.”
“Oh Violet,” Lucy breathed as more tears came. “You are so wonderful.” She wiped at her eyes.
Violet walked noiselessly to her mother’s bed. “Momma,” she said sitting beside Lucy. “He will come back to us. I just know.”
“How, how do you know my sweet girl?” Lucy said forcing a smile.
“Jesus loves him and loves us.” Violet said matter-of-factly.
Lucy just smiled at her daughter. “You are much older and wiser than your ten years. I’m sorry you have to carry so much my sweetheart.”
“It’s ok mom. Will you be coming to church with grandma and us?” Violet asked hopefully.
“No,” Lucy said standing then heading for her closet and pulling out her nurses uniform. “The Hospital needs me to come in.”
“Momma,” Violet started meekly. “I know you have to work with, with,” she stuttered not wanting to say his name, “father being gone, but seven days a week. Do we really need that much?”
“Um,” Lucy swallowed hard. She didn’t want to admit to her daughter that she was too angry with God to go to church. Abandoned, that’s how she felt. Alone, left to the devices of Hell, that’s what she experienced every minute. “Go tell Sandy to come talk to me.” She instructed, avoiding the question.
The children climbed into their grandmothers car. Violet loved the mint green exterior and white leather seats, it even had a radio, and Bobby smiled as he turned the shinny little knobs.
“Bobby,” his grandmother scolded. “Be gentle.” She turned from her six-year-old grandson with his adorable blond curls and sparkling chocolate eyes. “Are you sure you won’t come my dear?” She said brushing at her short grey curls.
“No I can’t mom,” Lucy said as she dug for change in the bottom of her purse. “I love you though. I have to go or I will miss the transit.”
“Alright sweetheart,” she said and climbed into her car telling Violet and Sandy how lovely they looked.
The cold metal bar was soothing, and Lucy leaned hard against it. How can I be so tired and my day so young? Lucy thought dismally. The transit bumped along one of the dirt roads of Fort Scott Kansas, toward the hospital. As Lucy ambled from the trolley her mind read the large forged letters on the iron gate, Fort Scott Hospital for the Mentally Insane. Every time Lucy arrived her brain subconsciously took in the name, as if trying to warn her, trying to caution her, but another part of Lucy’s brain fought against that self preservation.
“Good morning Miss Lucy!” A tall young man greeted as she entered the break room. Lucy did not reply. Doug heaved a sigh and ran his large, un-calloused hand through his thick raven hair. “How are your children?” He tried again walking closer his green eyes sparkling in his rounded, fair face.
Lucy dropped her bag in her locker and donned her pressed, white, nurses cap. Turning toward the smiling, virile man she took a deep breath thinking. He is a nice man. You only resent him because he was not drafted. “They are doing well Doug. How are you?” She said with a half smile.
“I am well,” he said smiling brilliantly. “But how are you?” He asked wanting to tell her to smile. God she is beautiful when she smiles, he thought. His eyes ran along the contours of her face; her delicate chin covered with soft, faultless skin, her full lips set in a perpetual frown, her dainty, pointed, nose, almost child-like, her large, oval-shaped eyes set in soft cheekbones, but circled with dark lines giving the deep chocolate color a desperate look that he wish he could ease.
“I’m fine,” she answered and walked to the schedule board.
“You know you don’t have to work the C. I. Wing every day.” Doug said disparagingly. “Every nurse is required to do shifts in the violent offenders area. You don’t have to do theirs for them.”
“I know,” Lucy said after signing in.
“It’s dangerous Lucy.” He said to her back.
“The other nurses don’t want to do it and I don’t mind. Plus it pays much better, and I need the money.” She said over her shoulder as she walked away.
Doug frowned. She works seven days a week how can she need the money? He thought.
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